As this week’s schedule continued pretty much the same as the week before, I found myself dragging as it came around to Wednesday. In the beginning of the week I felt like I was in some sort of funk, just feeling uninspired. I would wake up and just immediately question my purpose. I would talk to the Lord and say, “God I’m wondering why you have me here. I feel like I’m here for more physical labor than I am for spiritual labor. Where are you and why do you have me here? I haven’t seen you yet, and I haven’t found my purpose yet.”I began to feel very weighed down by my thoughts and feelings of uselessness and could feel myself starting to become anxious and worried. I was already questioning what God had planned for me during these next few months and even years, and it’s only our second week here.
On Wednesday we didn’t have a ride to our usual manual labor site in the morning so instead we decided to do an ATL activity. An ATL (Ask The Lord) is when our team will sit and pray for about 10 minutes before we go out into the community. We just ask the Lord to give us a vision, color, face, place, smell, sight, sound, anything that he wants us to see. If we receive something we go out keeping our eyes open to what the Lord had shown us and just follow his voice. We were praying and the Lord gave me the colors yellow and blue. He also placed on my heart the one yellow park in the middle of Loreto and specifically I saw a little boy in a blue shirt. Two other girls in the group also got the color yellow and saw the same park, so we headed out to this park not really knowing what we would see or what the Lord was showing us.
We walk past this park a lot on our way to the river throughout the week and usually never see anyone there. Upon arriving we saw two mothers, each with a baby and a small child around the age of five. I could see as we were approaching, the one young boy was wearing a blue shirt, and immediately God’s vision was confirmed for me. We still didn’t know why we were here, but we just sat and played with these two young kids for about an hour. We spoke a little with their mothers who both looked very young and were from a different city, but said they visited this park often. It was so heart warming to see the mothers smile and laugh as we just made complete fools of ourselves trying to make these kids smile. The one little boy, named Anthony, probably the best smile I have ever seen.
There was no serious conversation with the mothers as we said goodbye to them, no life changing moment, no supernatural healing, no one coming to know Christ. I found myself leaving feeling kind of disappointed and again, just feeling weighed down. Later on that afternoon a girl from my team came up to me and just simply asked how I was doing. She said that she was praying and God place me on her heart and she came looking for me. I was so shocked, and was able to just tell her what had been going through my mind the past few days.
We left for church soon after that and on my way the Lord just spoke to me and said, “Bethany. Right now you are only expecting to see me in some miraculous, out of the ordinary way. But my daughter, because that is all you are expecting, you are missing all the many little ways that I am reveling myself to you and giving you purpose.” It all just instantly became so clear to me and I like that I was out of my funk.
God had so clearly shown me a vision and lead me right to where I needed to be at that yellow park. No, no one excepted Christ or was healed, but those mothers got a chance to rest while we played with their kids, and I my never know the ways that the Lord will continue to use that hour we spent with them. And yet again, God had brought a friend to me when I needed one and place me in the prayers of a team mate. He was so obviously reveling himself to me and I was choosing to ignore it and overlook it because I was expecting something greater. He had renewed my motivation to seek him out everyday. He inspired me to be patient with his plan for me and my purpose, something I may always have to be reminded of.
After emailing my parents about my week, I was again reminded of this by my father, “Choose to serve Him fully each day. Look for Him in even the smallest things. Let your life be an act of worship. Lose yourself in Him and His purposes and you will find yourself and your purpose.” My mother encouraged me further and said, “Here in is your “challenge”- it is the hardest one of all- it is to believe that in the midst of mundane insignificant tasks, God has promised to be at work.” Wow.
During my quiet time I read John chapter 12. Verse 26 says, “Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant will also be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.”
And where I am… My servant will also be. God was just teaching me this week that he is here, he is with me, he is giving me purpose, he has a plan, but sometimes… its’s just all in the little things.
